I'm just saying how it is......

So, there I was, standing in the airport next to a family group, there is a couple in their 30’s with a couple of young kids and a set of grandparents. That’s nice I think, all of them holidaying together. They are having the normal family travelling chat. The youngest wants chips, mum needs the loo, all very nice until the Granny of the group turns to the woman in her 30’s and says something along the lines of ‘you’ve got really fat haven’t you?’ I look at the woman and she is simply devastated, face drops, shoulders hunch but she puts on a defiant face and just turns away from (what I assume now) her own mother.

By this point my jaw is on the floor but actually it’s not that uncommon when you think about it, how many times has your nearest and dearest said something hurtful but they believe it to be constructive?

Sisters do it to each other, mothers and daughters do it, but does it need to be so cutting? We are all aghast at how young girls are bombarded with images of unrealistic body shapes, and models with perfect, well, everything but if we are insulting our nearest and dearest with comments like this then what actual hope have we got? I have no idea if the young kids heard this comment, but that might stick with them, they might think its okay to call Mummy fat because Granny did it.

Incidentally, its not okay to call anyone fat. Fat is something that makes up our body composition, it does not define us. We have fat, we are not fat. People can be overweight, so overweight that they are putting themselves in an early grave but it’s not okay call anyone fat. Even yourself, for all those of you who look in the mirror and say ‘I’m so fat’.

Ladies, mothers, fathers, people with influence over others, be mindful of your comments, you might think you’re saying it how it is, you might say you are offering constructive criticism, you might say you only speak the truth but you’re not, you’re being aggressive, you are damaging someone’s confidence, in a lot of cases you are passing on your levels of insecurity and lack of self worth.

There are better ways in telling someone they are overweight, better ways to tell them you are worried they are putting their health at risk. In the same way there are ways to tells someone that they might be chronically underweight. You can help them on a journey. Most people already know they are overweight, or underweight, or whatever the issue is they do not need someone who is meant to support them to the end announcing it in an airport.

Kindness doesn't mean treating people with kid gloves, it doesn't mean lying, but it does mean being mindful of your actions, it means treating people postitively, it means being mindful on how your words and actions can be perceived.

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Be mindful of what you say. Mothers, look after your daughters. Celebrate them. Help them but do not bring them down.